Remember how I mentioned that I would discuss my experiences at walmart that changed me forever?  I decided to start with a light story.  When I was there but a few months, I encountered a great deal of stupid people.  And while I do post these true stories to bring humor to your lives, I am proud to say that I grew patience in dealing with the inept.  So please, enjoy the stupid.

These stories took place while I was working at the photo lab, electronics, and toys department.  Yes, often one person covered three departments.  That bit of stupid can’t be enjoyed.

A decent looking woman with short curly hair and a handbag on her arm says, “Your machine printed my photos upside down!”  I turn the photos 180 degrees for her.  “Oh.”  A glazed look of bewilderment strikes her face, and later mine.

An older lady of adequate income is browsing the cordless phone section.  You know, the phones for you house.  I offer to help her and she replies with, “My phone needs a new battery”  She starts to open the phone.  I inform her that she can’t open the package without buying it first.  She responds quite politely and innocently, “Then how do I know if it works?”  I inform her that she will have to buy it and try it.  I help her purchase that phone at which point she immediately takes it out of the box.  She asks me to install the battery for her because she is unable to.  Bewildered, but helping the customer, I install the battery for her.  She turns it on and holds it up to her ear, “There’s no dial tone.  It doesn’t work.”  Too shocked to respond appropriately, I simply ask if she realizes that she is too far from home for it to work.  She exclaims, “Oh.  It won’t work here?”  At that point I regained a little composure and explained, to the best of my ability, that home phone work in the home.

A man in all sincerity asks me, “How big is the screen on that 42″ inch TV?”

A man around the age of 30 in browsing the OS (operating system) software.  I walk by and he asks, “Will this Windows 7 work on a Dell?”  I was able to hide my shock this time (I was getting better used to them), and asked what OS he had.  He replied,”Windows 2000.”   I informed him that no, this package is to upgrade from Windows Vista to Windows 7, not from Windows 2000.  Without missing a beat, he says, “Oh.  Well will it work on a Sony?”   Again, I ask what his OS on the Sony is.  He responds as though there were no other answer, “Sony”.  At this point I lost my composure and looked at him with great stupor while saying that no, it would not.

A random male customer asking for my help at the computer section says to me, “I need a new computer.  My hard drive’s full.  I need at least a topabite.”

A customer with complete sincerity asks (in 2012), “Do you sell 58k modem cards?”

A very irate man was bringing back and buying new GPS’s.  He slings them on the counter and gushed, “This GPS don’t work!  I don’t speak Spanish.”  He brought back three GPS that hour because they “Don’t work”.  FYI, you choose in the setup screens what language you speak.  There was no explaining this to him as “I knowed how to use a GPS!”

A man called and lamented,”I bought a new TV there, and now I can’t get channel 8!”  I asked him if he had an antennae.  He paused, dazed, and asked, “You mean I have to get an antennae too?!”

A lady brings in a camera and asks, “Do you have the battery for this?”  This is a specialized battery for this camera, so I tell her that no, we do not carry those.  She digs around her bag, producing a battery and says, “It looks like this.”  Again, I notify her that we do not carry those batteries.  At which point she enquires, “What if it’s blue?”