So I’m sitting here at my laptop, wearing a long sleeve red shirt, and trying to get a few hours of writing in. Along comes a wasp. I have my window open; it’s raining outside in that sort of gentle, steady way that provides perfect background noise and can lull you to sleep if you let it. Alas, the wasp did not come from the window, it came from my closet. Which is actually scary, because now I’m wondering what else is in my closet. Even now as I write this, having killed said wasp, a wisp of hair is tickling my throat, nearly freaking me out in the process.
So anyway, this wasp flies out of my closet and lands on my right sleeve. It didn’t fly in the normal waspy way. It flew in the “I’m really a lady bug” way. I stopped myself from brushing it off, assuming it was another lady bug, once my brain had registered that it was really too big to be a lady bug. I slowly, cautiously, stretched out my arm to find my worst fear, a wasp.
Sheer panic, folks. Sheer panic. You do not know sheer panic until you are literally frozen solid with the complete inability to perform any actions whatsoever. Ideas flew through my mind, much faster than that wasp flew to my arm, as I searched for a way out of this. New $800 laptop? Who cares? Throw it off. Onto two dogs and cat, better them than me, and hold your arm out as though doing so long enough would detach it from your body.
Finally I got the idea of taking my shirt off in a way that wouldn’t go near the wasp and then running from my room screaming. Somehow I didn’t break another toe-praise be for that. Arlis refuses to do anything without his electric racket. I make busy cleaning the bathroom sink and await cries of pain or joy, whichever way meant he found it.
And then my husband did the unthinkable. He left me alone with unfinished business. I made him get back in there with me and search. We turned the shirt back right-side-out, no wasp. Don’t care, threw it in the dirty clothes. I’m not wearing it again. We spun the ceiling fan, searched the walls. Then I found it. It flew to the top pane of the open window. He got it with his electric racket, and the world is safe once again.
It’s amazing the interference that one little creature had on our lives.