I rarely get those dreams we all see on TV where your spouse is wearing a bunny costume and throwing walnuts at you, and everywhere a walnut hits you grow an eye and lose a thumb (see The Dick Van Dyke Show). But last night I did. Not the bunny thing. In fact, not even the walnuts and thumbs. The eyes though…
Anyway, so last night everything that’s been haunting me came into play. Query letters flew at my face with obvious, hideous errors screaming at me with paranormal wails. I tried to reach out and correct them. Was it too late? Could I resend them? It was a heartbreaking moment of watching my future with a literary agent float away like a ghost of my past. Oh, and get this, these were actual query letters I have recently written with detailed accuracy of every word in them. Except for the errors. Those were added in by my brain demons.
I’ve always been able to control my dreams, ever since I was 10, or thereabouts, and when the next part came up, I said, “No.” Although it was more of a “NO!”. And it wasn’t me. At least not the me I’m used to in my dreaming state. See, when I take control of my dreams, it’s a surreal halfway world, often difficult to wake up from (that part requires a lot of strength and determination and is quite exhausting), and planned well in advance. This “no” came from nowhere. I had only just begun to see the dream. I was still panicking and had not yet realized I even was dreaming. But that no came with a feral voice. The next part was work related.
The supervisor I recently had a run-in with was talking to me about something, I don’t remember, and the coworker who goes out of their way (not daily, minutely-no seriously, every possible chance to be had) to make my life difficult was doing something else. I honestly think I could remember what they both did if I really wanted to, but let me remind you about that negative scream I shouted the first time in response.
So there you have it, my weird dreams. Hopefully tonight will be filled with more enjoyable visions of grandeur.