For the record, I now work at an area where customers bring back purchases they no longer want.  Now, my employer has quite the reputation for…a certain type of customer.  This still could never have prepared me for what I have so far experienced.

       During my first few days, I came back from a break to notice a ziplock bag on the counter.  Inside it was what used to be a fish, bought from our store.
“Someone returned a fish?”
“What happened to the fishy?”
“It died.”
“It looks eaten.”
He holds it up “Yup.”
These people had returned a half eaten fish.  They failed to read the warnings, and it got along with their older pets a little too well.

       Now, one of my favorites, is the leaking battery.  Again, I came back from a break one day, “Don’t touch that battery, it’s leaking.”  There sits a battery in a buggy.  Someone returned this one for good reason.  So what?  A leaking battery?  Well, as the day progressed, we later moved the battery to the battery bin.  This is an isolated bins for batteries that have been returned with baking soda in large bags nearby.  We sprinkled several handfuls of soda on the batteries, and enjoyed the fizzing show.  When we finished, we went to return the buggy to it’s home.  
        “It ate through the buggy.”
       The acid had indeed eaten through the buggy.  We sprinkled soda all over it, watched it fizz, and continued to sprinkle more until it stopped fizzing.  We then let it sit there a while to chill a bit.  Later that day, we took the buggy to the defective area, and swept up the soda on the floor…only to find….holes in the concrete floor from the battery acid.  

       I had a man bring back a tablet.  “This won’t work at the McDonald’s.”
“Um…OK…was it working before you went there?”
“Oh yes!”
“What is it not doing?”
“I can’t check my e-mail and such.”
“Is it wi-fi capable?”
“It worked at my son’s house!”
“So when you went to the McDonald’s, what happened?”
“It says it couldn’t find the server.”
So, I directed him to ask the staff at the McDonald’s, explaining that he would have to make changes for it to work, and that if he still had a problem to come see me.  He never came back.

       Another one of my favorites is when a man brought back a radio worn out, scratched, no receipt, no box, no anything. 
“I can’t take this back.”
“There’s no box, no UPC, no receipt, no anything.  There’s no way for me to know how much this cost or anything.”
“It cost $10, now give me a gift card.  Here’s my ID.”
He hands me a piece of paper with his ID copied on it.
“I can’t accept a photocopy of an ID.”
“So I bought this for nothing then, huh?”
“Yes you did-next!”

       A man brought back a weedeater.  I tried to look up the receipt with the serial number, but I couldn’t find it in the system.  This is not an offered or guaranteed service, but I offered anyway.
“You get on that computer and find this receipt!”
“It’s not on there.”
“You’re not trying hard enough, now get that receipt!”
I went over, picked up the monitor and carried it as far as the cord would allow to him and pointed at “Item not found.”
“Woman are you crazy?!  I said ask that computer where my receipt is?”
“Do you want me to personally ask it a question?”
“That’s it!  You’re being smart with me now.  I want a manager.  I’m gonna get you fired!”
I called management.  While waiting, I took care of the next customer who commented on how awful that man was, and how they felt sorry for me, etc.
“I’m going to go put this back in the car, then I’m going to come back and get you fired.”
“mmm-hmmm”  (I was still attending to the other customer.)
While waiting on the NEXT customer, a manager comes over, and tells him how it is.  I was later informed he should have been escorted from the building for being belligerent.  I was also informed he came back later…with the receipt.

Instances of note:  (I may or may NOT have been present for these)
-a boy brought back condoms “My girlfriend and I broke up, so I don’t need these anymore.”
-a woman brought back Vagisil pH test strips b/c “They were the wrong color”.  I couldn’t explain pH to her, so I just took them back and sterilized up to my elbows when I finished.
-a woman brought back a plate with food stuck to it, “It never got used.”  It did not get returned.
-a woman brought back a half-eaten pizza “the crust is too hard”  Although, it was not apparently too hard for her to eat half of it.

———-Here’s You Sign———–